Women: It’s time to be kind to one another

front-street-harrassment-600x826Image courtesy of Google

A few days ago I was walking down the street & in front of me passed a tall, lean & pretty woman. She wore a tank top & some short shorts. She looked pretty confident until I heard a man behind me shouting & walking after her,  “HEY BABY! YES! WE CAN SEE YOU! WE ALL CAN SEE YOU WITH YOUR BOOTY SHORTS & LONG LEGS! YOU WANT TO BE TOLD YOU ARE SEXY? YOU WANT OUR ATTENTION? HEY! LOOK HERE! I’M TALKING TO YOU!”

The lady looked down, nervousness & confusion washed over her face. She was suddenly looking so unsure of herself as she quickly entered the nearest supermarket to avoid the man & his obnoxious words. He kept trying to call to her, clearly having a mission to make her feel more uncomfortable than she already was  but she had already disappeared inside. I stood there for a while looking at the situation. I wondered if I should follow her & see if she will be alright, because to be honest, I worried about her. I knew men like that very well. I’ve heard about them. They are the brutal animals that claim to be so self-righteous & perfect while they dare to strip women who “dress indecently” to “teach them proper manners” when clearly they have their own agenda when doing so.

In Mombasa, the idea of stripping women who dress too immorally is something we hear about from time to time. Some people claim this is a great idea as it will teach women not to expose their bodies in public. Even though some of those people, men I mean, actually strip these women as an excuse to unleash their own secret desires of wanting to grope her. And who can she possibly scream to about that when the same crowd chants “She deserves it!”?

But that’s not the only thing that pisses me off

As I watched the lady disappear into the supermarket, next to me stood two women who were very audible about how the woman in shorts was “clearly asking” to be raped. That she will get what’s coming to her & she shouldn’t cry about it. They went on about how such women are loose & are ones that take their husbands away with how they expose themselves so they really do deserve to be punished.

These ladies then laughed & walked away leaving me fuming at them. How I wished I had told them to be ashamed of themselves!

As women, we are supposed to be protecting each other but no! We are the first ones to tear each other down when situation calls for otherwise. This is exactly why men have power over us, because we are divided instead of united. We want to understand & justify why men do or think the way they do instead of really trying to understand each other. How could any woman think another would “deserve to be raped”? How could you bash her instead of bashing the jerk that went upto her? Would you be the woman among the crowd that chants “strip her!” as you watch? Do you not feel any sort of empathy to think some women deserve to be sexually assaulted because of how she dresses?

How about you who is covered up from head to toe, how would you feel if you visited a country where Islamophobia was at it’s peak & people ripped off the hijab/niqab off your head? And this is all because they do not approve of your religion. They do not approve of you.

And allow me to preach religion for a minute…what about you men? Doesn’t our Holy Quran say “Lower your gaze” when you come across a woman (decently dressed or not). That means you have to look away at that you consider “immoral”. It does not say anywhere in the Quran, Bible, Torah or any religious books that you MUST strip a woman of her clothes to teach her a lesson. That, is on your own perverted little minds so please, do not act all Holier than Thou when you actually have other things going on in your head. You don’t like something, just don’t look! It’s really that simple.

Honestly, I can still feel myself burning from thinking about the whole experience. I’m mad at that man. I’m mad at those ladies. But most of all, I’m mad at myself. I asked myself why I didn’t stand up to that man. Why didn’t I tell him to knock it off & mind his own damn business? Why didn’t I go check up on her & see if she’s ok? Why did I just stand there & do nothing?!

images.jpgImage courtesy of Google
Women it’s time we stick together. Defend each other & not tear each other down. It’s about time.

Thinking about it…it’s not easy to stand against people who think they know it all. It’s not easy to stand against people who will never think twice about the error of their ways. But it is indeed necessary. It might not make much of a difference but it will make you feel strong that you can do the right thing without fear. I’ve learned from this & I’m better prepared to help another woman if need arises.

Stripping a woman off her clothes is never the right thing cause you aren’t stripping her off just that, you’re stripping her off her dignity. Tell me, is that what you want to be proud of when you go to bed at night?

Sending you loooove ❤

 

Advertisements

What does having a wedding really mean to you?

ee3525076d7b72d58dc66f449145e8a7.jpgImage courtesy of Google

Weddings are beautiful, aren’t they? There’s always a lot of work put into making that day very special for the bride & groom. Walking in the beautifully decorated venues, looking our very best, we love the songs we sing, the dancing, the ceremonies & of course the food!

But I often wonder when people have these weddings…who are they really for?

Some people have always dreamt of their weddings being a certain way because they grew up with their traditions following that way. It’s more acceptable & after all, it makes their families & everyone else very happy.

That’s the thing though, do we plan weddings according to what other people will approve of or do we really do it for ourselves? Do we really want a lavish wedding for ourselves or is it just for people to talk for days & months about how amazing it was? Because if you are only doing it to impress people, then that is a wrong reason to even have a wedding.

As the wedding is happening, you’ll surely have some people who are not happy with how it’s being done. You will always find a group that has totally isolated themselves to gossip about how ugly your dress is or how the groom could have done better. You’ll find another group who will go to the buffet to try & get extra helpings to take home for later. You may even find some people who do not respect how the arrangements are made in a specific way & ruin everything. Point is, from 200 guests, there will be a number of them who will never, ever be completely happy with how your wedding is.

You can never avoid such people, they will always be there. Almost like they HAVE to be there. So why bother yourself about satisfying each & every person? It’s impossible! It’ll never happen. I’ve attended many weddings & I’ve actually decided to make mine a little different when my time comes. I’ve been thinking of this idea since last year & I wanted to be the first person to do it. Then I realized that it wasn’t a right thing to do, I was being selfish & clearly not doing it for the right reasons. So I’ll share with you ladies what my idea of a perfect wedding is & why I’d love to see more of you doing this.

I planned on doing my wedding at an orphanage. I wanted to celebrate with the children there because I wanted to give them hope that someday, they too will have the very same & even more lavish if they choose to. If I’m going to spend money, I rather do so for them then for some people who will never be grateful. Their smile is more genuine & it lifts your soul to see it. Wouldn’t you want your marriage to start with blessings? There’s nothing richer than God’s blessings in this world.

I went to an orphanage once & I absolutely fell in love with the kids there. They have so much hope in their eyes for a brighter future, why don’t we show them that they can have it? Imagine dancing with them, laughing with them, eating good food with them. Doesn’t that make you smile? It certainly does for me.

You may like the idea but I guarantee there will be that ONE person from your side who will be against it while discussing it.

“It’s going to be boring!”

“A wedding is a one day thing, why do it with people you don’t evenknow?!”

“What will so & so think??”

“What are you trying to prove? Don’t show off so much!”

Those are the things that person will say to you but you know what? They don’t matter. A wedding is for you & your man. If they do not support it, then they shouldn’t be there. Trust me, if no body likes your idea, it’s best they stay out of your life because clearly they don’t want the best for you. I’m sure when you look at your guest list, you’ll realize most of the people are ones who have played no part in your growth. The people you feel you “HAVE” to invite because if you don’t, it would “not look good”. But really, not look good to whom?? If they aren’t good people to you before, they certainly won’t be good people to you on that day & even after the wedding.

But in other words, if you do decide to do your wedding at an orphanage, you can choose to invite those people & they will actually be more involved helping around then finding time to be upset or gossip. In a way, you are indirectly giving them a chance to do good deeds! Who knows? They may actually see the light of it all!

So my lovelies, I’ve shared what I had in mind with you. I do hope to see someone make this happen before I do. I don’t know when my exact time will be but I’m blessed to have someone who loves the idea & will support it. Even if you don’t want to do it at the orphanage but maybe you want to have a quiet ceremony with just the two of you, it’s fine! Beach wedding with only 4 friends? Underwater wedding with the fishes? Awesome! I support you for doing what’s exciting for both of you as opposed to only doing it because of making people happy or because of fear of what they’d say/think. Don’t let anyone tell you how your big day should be. Enough with making the society happy, you do you girl! It’s about time.

Shrek-Fiona-1.jpgImage courtesy of Google

Or you could have a Shrek & Fiona wedding like these guys! PS: If anyone is doing something like this, I need an invitation! 😀

Sending you looove & wishes for a blissful marriage  ❤

 

 

For the African ladies who love to swirl

swirl1Image courtesy of Google

“Chocolate & Vanilla…swirrl rrrll  swirrlll”

That song sung by the character Crazy Eyes (Orange is the new black series) comes to mind a lot when I’m about to talk about interracial dating. It just has a nice ring to it, I think a song should be made on it. Or maybe it has?

But I digress

Interracial dating has been going on for many centuries, a thing that was once a taboo is no longer a big deal. I’d like to say we’re all one, race is one, we don’t see color blah da blah di blah but the truth is

It doesn’t really change the fact that some of us (I said SOME) still see differences in each other even after all these centuries. It’s sad but it’s true. As much as most of us are tolerant & respectful of our differences, not everyone feels that way. And even if, there is no hate for other races, there may still be those stereotypes that come with dating a person of a different race.

So for you ladies who have a preference for white men, this is what you can expect when you start dating:

  • You will immediately be seen as a gold digger

Because God forbid that it could actually be real love!

eye rollImage courtesy of Google

Some people automatically assumed that because you’re with a white guy, he is paying all of your bills & showering you with expensive gifts from morning to night. You can explain that you have your own business so you’re doing well with getting money & don’t actually need him. But it becomes difficult to explain that especially if the man seems much older than you. You may even get a huge thumbs up from your grinning friends about how lucky you are to be Ms. Money Bags. Trust me, some people that you’ve lost touch with will pop out of every corner of your life to ask you for some money or a contribution of some sort.

  • People will suddenly pay a lot of attention to you

When people see you walk with your sweetheart, their eyes will be either full of jealousy or full of admiration. Either way, the attention will be on the two of you so prepare yourself for that. You may even have some old friends who will suddenly take an interest on you two & want to always be around. Some hoping for you to hook them up with his brother or his friends. Others hoping to hook up with him. Be careful of such “friends” when they suddenly appear out of nowhere like a genie.

  • You will be asked what he’s like in the bedroom

This is my favorite. Because there’s so much stupidity in that question “What’s a white man like in bed??”

Um….like any man?

I mean, what do you expect that person to say? What are you expecting to hear? That, when he unzips there will be a magical golden penis? People shouldn’t assume that white men are a different species, or any man infact. A man can be either good or bad in bed & his race will have nothing to do with it.

  • You will be told how lucky you are to live abroad

There is a joke here that goes, “It is better to work as a garbage man in the USA or UK than it is in Africa.” People assume a person who dates or marries a white man will surely have a luxurious life once they go to his home country. How are you so sure of that? Maybe he’s struggled so much to get the things he did & maybe both of you might have to struggle to get to where you need to be. Life abroad isn’t as easy as most people think. You’ll have to work so, so hard as there’s just more competition out there than there is here.

  • You most certainly WILL get shade from your own race

You’ll come across those certain folks who will feel its their duty to remind you of “what the white men did to our ancestors” & how you should feel ashamed of yourself for dating “one of them”. You may even be accused of hating your own race & not giving your own people a chance.

  • And it won’t just be your own race

Even his people will question your true intentions. I remember a time I dated a white man & his Mom asked him to be sure I wasn’t just after the green card. We’re told white people are more welcoming & accepting but if we’re being realistic, shade can come from either race or both. Not everyone will be as tolerant & accepting as we’d expect them to be.

So since you now know what to expect, here is my advice to you..

Screw them

Screw them & everyone else who has a problem with who you’re dating because you know what? People will ALWAYS have something to say about any person you date, black or white. It’s just what human beings do. They will talk, talk, talk but then sleep at night when they’ll finally get over it. This is your life. The two of you. You both know each other better than anyone can ever know you.

swirl2Image courtesy of Google

Be happy that your love will be able to withstand anything & the best way to survive it against haters or anything for that matter, is to look at all these things with a sense of humour.

Sending you loooove ❤

 

 

 

 

Communication – The lifeline of any relation

I came back from a meeting with my friend, Carolyne, to discuss about her wedding day this month. Words cannot express how happy I’am for her, she’s such a wonderful person who really deserves the best. I met Carolyne when I was a teenager coming to Mombasa for vacation while staying with an Aunt of mine. We had so much in common & I felt we would be good friends.

And we did!

Carolyne is one of those true friends who always prays for the good of people & constantly encourages them to be the best versions of themselves. I loved being around such a positive person because it reminds me to take that path since the negative one wasn’t doing me well anyways. We used to go out a lot, she’d introduce me to her friends & family, and she was the first person to introduce the popular meal Githeri (mix of beans & corn with meat or veggies) to me that got me hooked! I can honestly say till date no one has ever made me a plate of githeri that could come close to being as good as hers!

githeri.jpgA nice plate of Githeri. YUM!!

I quickly realized Carolyne was someone with a clean heart. Whenever I’d do something nice for her, she’d always appreciate me & no sooner she’d utter the words “God bless you, Twali!” did something wonderful happen. I’m not kidding! As soon as she says that, I either get a gift from someone, random money will be given to me or I’ll receive some fantastic news. I jokingly called her my “Good Luck Girl” Such a blessing to  me!

Vacation time had ended, I had to travel back for my studies. It was sad & we were going to miss each other but we promised to keep in touch no matter what. She kept her word & we’d message each other as often as we could. I missed her a lot but I was also focused on pursuing my studies just as she was looking for a job so with time our communication wasn’t as strong as before.

One day, my Aunt decided to travel & visit us. We were thrilled to have her over & we were hospitable to her like she was to us for the entire month she stayed over. When her time came to leave, I bought some gifts for Carolyne that I knew she’d deliver since they were neighbours. I couldn’t wait for her to receive them & tell me if she loved her gifts. Weeks had passed since my Aunt travelled back, it was very strange I did not hear back from Carolyne. I called her. No answer. I sent a text. No reply. Called again. No answer. What happened?

A few days passed & I tried again to contact her but her phone was off this time. I wondered what was going on, this was just not like her. Soon, I got tired & even a little upset that she wasn’t responding. I brushed it off that maybe she just didn’t want this friendship any more.

Flash forward to 10 years later, I’m now living in Mombasa. I was at a supermarket with my friend when someone tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around & there was Carolyne, smiling shyly & asking “Do you remember me?!” I almost dropped whatever it was I was carrying & screamed “GIRL! OF COURSE I DO!!!” I gave her the biggest hug & almost cried. She introduced me to her fiancé & I smiled even wider. Wow! She’s engaged! We exchanged numbers right there & promised we’d meet somewhere & talk properly because there was so much for us to catch up on.

The day came when we met, we sat at a restaurant & as we waited for lunch, we talked & the truth revealed itself…

Carolyne told me my Aunt came back acting rather strange. Whenever Carolyne would ask how me & my family was doing, she’d only give one word answers. It was as though she did not want her around. My Aunt gave her a bag saying it was from me & Carolyne said she was shocked at what was inside.

Now, I remember very well what I had gotten her. It was some brand new accessories & makeup kit

But what she got instead was : a used eye liner, a pink almost broken bracelet & some rusted earrings

WTF??

“I never! I would NEVER get you something like that, Carolyne!” I almost screamed out

“That is what your Aunty handed me” She sighed & bit her lip “She even said you felt irritated that I’m always begging you for stuff. I’ve never begged you for anything!”

Anger almost consumed me for a minute but I calmed myself down. I never said any of those words. Carolyne had never asked me for a single shilling, when we both do things for each other it’s out of the kindness of our hearts. But that Aunty of mine messed with her mind.

I also understood that to Carolyne, this was an Aunty I was close to so there was no way that would be a lie. But it sure as hell was because I later found out my Aunt is a terrible human being who thrived on breaking up relationships. Honestly, if she would be paid for it, she’d be richer than Bill Gates.

“Carolyne” I started “Look at me, do you honestly believe I’d be capable of putting you down like that?”

“I did look at you” She replied “I stood looking at you for a long while before I approached you. Your face. You are not the kind of person she said you are. I even asked for your number as I’d lost my phone. I wanted to..to thank you for your…gifts…but she kept changing the subject like she didn’t want to give me.”

We sat in silence for a while. She asked me why I didn’t look for her since I came back. It was a good question.

Why didn’t I? Why didn’t I work harder? Why didn’t I try to get answers instead of just assuming the worst & giving up?

When it comes to friendships, there should be hard work from both sides to keep that ship sailing. Fights & misunderstandings will happen because no matter how close you are, you will not always agree to every single thing. There will also be people who are not happy with how loving & close two people are. Like my Aunt. So they do all they can to sabotage it just to satisfy their silly little minds.

When you’re a good person, the truth does not stay hidden from you for long. It will eventually surface & all those who have tried to tarnish your name to others will also be unmasked. It took me & Carolyne 10 years to learn the truth but I’m so glad we both had the chance to speak what was in our hearts. Some people never have that chance again. If she didn’t push her anger aside that day at the supermarket, I would have never have gotten the chance to express myself & we would have never renewed our friendship

A lack of communication spells doom to any relationship. If you two are truly close, you will communicate your feelings about anything, no worries about offending the other as long as what you say is said in a loving manner. I’ve learned from this experience & have wanted to share with you. I want to tell you this…If there is someone you want to talk to & fix a broken relationship, pick up that phone. Chances are that other person probably wants to do the same.

Pick up the phone. Send that email. Knock on that door.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Sending you looove ❤

 

 

For the fellas : Why didn’t you get that second date?

bad-dateImage courtesy of Google

You meet an attractive girl that you’d really like to get to know. You smile, approach her, talk to her & there’s clearly some connection. You both agree to exchange numbers & go on a date later.

The date happens, you had a lovely time & so you call her the next day to let her know you want to see her again. Except..she’s not answering her phone now. So you send her a text but she doesn’t seem to reply to that either. You wait for a while, a while turns to hours, hours turn to days & she still hasn’t bothered. What on earth happened??

She ghosted you. But…WHY??

Sometimes the date may seem to go well for you but not necessarily so for the other person you are trying to impress. You may not realize it but I’m here to help you do so. Here are a few deal breakers that caused her not to want to date you again:

  • You were sooooo boring

Look, it’s great if you’re into sports or science & a girl can appreciate that. But not if you ramble on & on & on about it! Understand not every girl will be into the things you are so just keep that conversation short. And while you are at it, pay attention to how she responds to whatever subject you are talking about. If she’s looking around at everything else but you or just responds with “Oh” “Mmm” “Nice”. Please change the damn subject to something more interesting to the both of you.

Also, boring is when you are not engaging in a conversation but letting her do all the talking while your responses are just nodding your head or giving her one word answers. Such guys are nerve wrecking to be around & trust me, she would never want to see you again if you do not know how to keep a conversation flowing.

  • You talked way too much

The opposite of being too boring, is being too much. Think about it, how much did you really learn about her that night? Who did all the talking?

Uh huh…

While its cool to talk about your achievements & the things you like or dislike, you shouldn’t leave your date out. You can ask her what her opinions are on the things you do like as you find out more about her interests. The date is about you getting to know her, this is not a meeting with an author who you hired to publish an Autobiography!

Plus, you have to leave an air of mystery. Don’t tell her every single thing about you on that one date. Create curiosity in her to really want to get to know you & even consider going on a few more dates with you.

  • Your manners were atrocious

A woman observes everything! And what she will really want to know is if she’ll be telling her girlfriends the next day that chivalry really isn’t dead & is oh so alive within you! It’s something all women want to believe still exists. Did you open doors for her? Pull her chair? Let her order the meal first? Did you walk ahead of her instead of by her side?  Did you keep time? Or apologise to her in advance if you were going to be late? Were you nice to the waiters? How did you eat or drink? Cause nobody wants to talk to, much less look at a person who chews with their mouths open. We do not need to see how the food breaks down in your mouth, you goat! Chew & drink properly, no slurping! But even if your table manners were up to par, consider my other questions above. Were you really on point with your manners?

  • You were too forceful

If your date tells you she’s not interested to see a particular movie or want to go bowling, listen to her & change the plan. Don’t call her out or make her feel guilty so as to convince her to change her mind because even if she does agree, she really won’t be up to it which in turn ruins any chances of you getting another date with her. Respect her wishes & ask her what she’d prefer to do instead. Being forceful shows you like to control & you will not get any brownie points for that ish!

bad date 1.jpgImage courtesy of Google
  • You were very critical of her

There’s a fine line between being honest & being just a damn awful jerk. Your first date with someone is not the time to point out how you hate red lipstick because it makes a girl look cheap or how you hate weaves cause they are not natural. She has made an effort to look good for you so the least you can do is compliment on the things you do like.

Bonus tip: If she does become your girl & she puts on things you do not like, tread carefully on how you can tell her about it without seeming like an insensitive jerk. Women are very sensitive & do not take too kindly to being criticized on their looks.

  • You were talking about your ex a lot

Now unless you have kids with your ex, there is no reason to bring her up. Infact, try as much as possible to avoid that topic on the first date as it just makes your lady feel uncomfortable. If for some reason the topic does come up, just keep it brief & move on to something else.

I once met a man who I had a lunch date with, he kept yapping on about his ex wife & how awful she was. He went on & on about her for 2 hours straight, no matter what conversation I’d try to start, he’d get right back to the same topic. I was mostly turned off by how negative he was being about her. No matter how badly it ended between you & your ex, do not ever diss her to other people. It really reflects badly on you & actually shows how immature & unforgiving you are.

  • You talked about the future way too soon

It’s really good that you’re ready to settle down. A guy who knows what he wants does not waste time. But on the first date, you cannot just start talking about wanting marriage in a few months & how the kids are going to look. It’s weird! First, it will make your date think “Why is he in such a rush??” Marriage is a life time thing & should not be taken lightly. To your date, it will look like you want to get married fast for the wrong reasons. Slow down, boy! Take your time to get to know her, it’ll be more fun & rewarding once you do. Noone is running away..unless you make them.

bad date.jpgImage courtesy of Google
  • She just wasn’t into you, man

And I know it stings but it’s really not the end of the world! If you’re sure you were on your best behavior & being your true self but she still didn’t feel a connection to you, it is just best to let it go. No point trying to read into it too much. Simply thank the Universe for the experience & move on to someone else who will see you & appreciate you for the Star that you are.

I hope you have learned a thing or two from this post. Sometimes we may be offending people without really knowing it so if you see yourself in what I’ve pointed out then take that as a sign to change for the better. I wish you luck in finding the right woman for you.

Sending you looove ❤

YAAAAAS! NOMINATED FOR THE LIEBSTER AWARD!

19576363_10154748147598596_651762976_n.png

So a few days ago, I checked my blog the very first thing in the morning (it’s become quite the daily routine before doing anything else) & I was surprised when Cliquetalk informed me that she nominated me for a Liebster award, how nice is that!

I’ll admit I had no clue what on earth a Liebster award was, but it is an award & any kind of award is a good thing, right? I visited cliquetalk’s site to learn more on it & felt even more touched that she liked my blog enough to nominate me. Thank you so much, baby girl!

When I first found cliquetalk, I remember having a rather off day & I felt like just drowning into a huge tub of icecream to just make that feeling pass. But after reading one of her stories of life in Nigeria, I bursted out laughing for minutes, I’m still laughing right now when I remember some of the things she said. I honestly enjoyed how unique she was & had no fear of being herself. That is admirable in our world today where we feel we have to be a certain way just to impress. Her blog has made me smile on a bad day (even saved me from some unnecessary calories!)  & I’m so sure it will help you through yours & even keep you smiling for hours! So check her out here:  https://cliquetalk.wordpress.com/

A few days later, I was also thrilled to be nominated by three other amazing bloggers:  Life of Baash, African & proud & Rehema Zuberi

Life of Baash is one I’ve recently gotten to known & have been so impressed by her blog. If you want to know about food, fashion & celebs, you should check her out & you will not be disappointed by what she has to offer! I personally love her mouthwatering recipes & how she explains them so easily, such a real treat for your taste buds!  Do check her out on here:  https://lifeofbaash.wordpress.com/

African and Proud is a very talented writer whose blog inspires love & positivity. With each post he puts up, he makes you think & reflect on his words. He honestly brings love & joy to his readers one post at a time, there will always be something you will learn each time you visit his blog on here: https://senayu360blog.wordpress.com/

Rehema Zuberi  I’m so proud to have a Muslim girl just like me blogging about her opinions on a lot things that I can mostly relate to. She writes thought provoking posts combined with a sense of humour that keep you reading till you actually forget the time! If you want to get as hooked as I do,  do check her out here: https://reshonlineblog.wordpress.com/

Thank you guys so much for the nomination. I really appreciate you!

So let’s get on to what the award is about:

Aim and Objectives Liebster Award:

  • The Liebster Award is a blogger award for new bloggers and those with few or small followers. It’s an amazing way of giving new bloggers an opportunity to gain some recognition and encouragement for their hard works.

    Rules of The Liebster Award:

  •  Create a new blog with the graphic of the ward thanking the person that nominated you, link to their blog.
  • Create a set of questions for your nominees to answer.
  • Nominate 10 bloggers and share your blog post with them so they can accept their awards.

Since I’ve been nominated by 4 bloggers, I will combine some of their questions & answer them:

What inspires you to write?

Knowing that I can inspire people to become a better version of themselves. Even if it’s just one person & my post has helped them in some small way, I’m very happy. There’s no better feeling than that.

What is your greatest fear as a blogger?

If a post of mine offends instead of helps. That would go against everything I’m trying to achieve on it.

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now in the blogosphere community?

Hopefully having inspired so many people to start blogging here in Kenya especially. I want to hear more voices speak up, more people contributing in every way they know how to make our country better than before.

Why did you start blogging?

I first started a blog 3 years ago but quickly got bored of it after a few posts. I realized later I was not blogging for the right reasons, I was simply bored at the time & thought nothing more than to just get a million followers. Flash forward to 3 years later, I knew I’m a very opinionated person & had a voice that wanted to be heard. I asked myself “What if you do not get a million followers?” & my answer is, It does not matter how many followers I have. Whether 20 or 2 million, as long as I have helped someone in a small way, I’ve accomplished something. That’s when I knew I was ready to start blogging.

What are some of the things you’ve learnt so far since you started blogging?

That it’s a lot of fun. I’ve learnt that you can make a lot of friends through your blogs & from the opinions they share, you learn something new & can even have a different view on things.

What’s your greatest challenge as a blogger?

I have only recently started my blog so I cannot say I’ve faced any challenges. Yet. I know I will eventually but I trust that I will overcome it & perhaps even write about it some day.

Have you ever had to choose between blogging & another profession, if yes, what was your choice & how did you feel after the decision?

Honestly, I’ve never been in that position of having to choose. What I do know is that I love blogging, coming up with a new post every week excites me so I believe this will be something I will do for a very, very long time. I’m very committed to it.

Which blog post took you the longest to write?

It would be my post “The one who helped me overcome my Bulimia”. Writing about my eating disorder was very emotional, there were moments I’d tear up remembering what I had been through & what I put the people I loved through. There were moments I’d stop writing & almost wanted to delete everything but I stopped & told myself I needed to do this. I decided that if I spoke about my experience, no one else will have to go through the same & if they did, hopefully my post will show them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always hope.

What do you do when you are not blogging?

Sit by the beach & watch people enjoying themselves

Watch House of Cards while eating some chocolates

Spend time with the people I adore

Which is your favorite blog post by you? Why?

My favorite post would be “Boy, you’re too thirsty!” It started out as a rant but I soon found myself giggling when I remembered my own experiences that I also shared. I really hope that it helped some fellas out there that may seem thirsty but probably mean well.

 1 fact about me

You sure you want just one? Hehe ok then!

I’m working towards becoming the best Fashion Designer in Kenya. I’ve always loved fashion & I have so much creativity in me that wants to burst out. I think it’s time the world knows who I’am

I hereby nominate the following awesome people:

Ignite Kenya : https://ignitekenyablog.wordpress.com/

Lolyne Ongeri : https://lolyneongeri.wordpress.com/

Dennis menez : https://dennismenez.wordpress.com/

Kiniale Job : https://betasitedevelopers.com/

Royal King Hodge : https://mentalstimulation.org/

McGreen’s Galaxy : https://mcreensgalaxy.wordpress.com/

Live & Love Better : https://breakupcoachonline.com/

Emmanuel Rockan : https://emmanuelrockan.wordpress.com/

Eric Rugara : https://rugara254.wordpress.com/

Brenda Midamba : https://couchhealthandfitness.wordpress.com/

Now for my questions to the nominees :

  • What inspired you to start blogging?
  • Have you at any point almost given up on blogging? If so, why?
  • When is the best time for you to blog?
  • What do you like to do when you are not blogging?
  • What is your favorite quote that reminds you to never give up?

I’d also like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who has ever read, liked, commented & shared my blog. I hope that it has been enjoyable for you to read it as it has been enjoyable for me to write it. God bless you all!

Sending you loooove ❤

Debunking myths on “Light skinned privileges”

COLORISM1.jpgImage courtesy of Google

First of all, I hate those words “light skinned privileges” & I hate it more when people think it’s what I get on the daily basis. We’ve heard the same arguments about Light skin vs. Dark skin, we keep talking about this over & over & over again. The sad part is, it doesn’t seem to fade away! No matter how we’ve proven how amazing to be both sides is, we still keep bringing new things to argue about. Enough already!

It annoys me. It really does.

Who came up with these sides anyway?  Light vs. Dark. Who categorized us into light, medium & dark?? All that started back hundreds of years ago during slavery times & we shamefully carry it hundreds of years later. I thought we were liberated, I thought we were free. We may be free in body but not in our minds, we’re still stuck back in time & it’s about time we move forward DAMMIT!

Being light skinned doesn’t make us have any privileges as you think. I’ve had people tell me all sorts of things regarding the color of my skin & though I laugh at some, others have left me thinking “WTF! Is this what goes on in some people’s minds??” Here are some of the annoying things I’ve been told:

  • “You people will only want to give business to your own!”

That line was said to me & my mother when we refused to get into a tuktuk of an obnoxious old man. The only reason that we didn’t want to go with him was because he was being unfair with his charges while we knew how much it’d take to get from point A to B. The other tuktuk guy was willing to take us for the right price yet this silly old man immediately assumed it was us looking down on him for his “race”. We’re the same race! Regardless of color, we are the same race. If he had treated us with respect, we’d have decided to go with him instead.

  • “I can never marry women of my color, what will our kids look like??”

Um…they’d look beautiful. Like all kids of all races do. What kind of a comment is that? And I hear this one so often, it’s just nerve wrecking. I understand we all have preferences, that is ok. But honestly, there’s a lot of self-hate that oozes from that statement. So you saying a dark skinned baby wouldn’t be beautiful? Really now? I think you’d need to learn to love yourself & how you’ve been blessed with amazing melanin before you decide to bring children into this world with that kind of mentality.

  • “You’re light skinned & pretty. That’s why some men are intimidated & don’t approach you.”

I do not believe that is true. If a man is confident, he will approach anybody he fancies. If he doesn’t approach, it’s only because he has paralyzed himself with fear of rejection & nothing else. Skin color has nothing to do with this & if it has, then that man should do what the 2) one should do & learn to have more self-love. It’s not about the chick any more, but about himself.

  • “Your hair must be nice & soft!”

No. My hair is very dry & very curly. It breaks combs. It misbehaves on a lot of days & on those days, we just don’t get along. But you know what? It’s a part of me. It’s my lovely locks & it doesn’t have to be soft & flowing for it to match my skin tone so that it’d make perfect sense to you. Yes, light skinned girls can have course curly hair.

  • “You can easily be hired by Indian managers. They’d prefer you!”

This was said to me while I was job hunting & I didn’t believe that either. Any manager, regardless of race, will look at your qualifications & your experiences more than your looks. We have to get it out of our own heads that it is our skin colors that determine whether or not we get a job. Nobody is getting out the brown paper bag & deciding if you’re lighter or darker than it for a position in the company! That is just setting ourselves up for self-hate & depression.

  • “She thinks her yellow ass is so beautiful!”

I’ve heard this when I passed by a bunch of ladies & honestly? I do think I’m beautiful, that is true. But do you know how long it took me to build my confidence?  To love myself just the way I’am? You think I came out of my Mother’s stomach & screamed out “I loooooove myself!”. I went through a lot. I’ve suffered low self-esteem & depression because I never felt special enough. And I hated myself through out my teenage years & well into my adult years. So excuse me if I now choose to  cat walk like I own the world & really adore myself. It took me a lot to get here. So thank you for that & I do hope you build the same confidence too.

  • “Men must be falling themselves to be with you”

Er..no. Just because I’m light skinned, does not mean I’m admired like some great Goddess. It’s not true. I’ve also gotten shade from a few black men who, when I think about it now, clearly have their own issues to fix. I remember a time I was going for a walk when a man sitting in the corner whistled for my attention. I ignored him, of course, I do not bother with cat calls. Then he actually said “You’re so arrogant with your white self thinking you’re all that! You’re not even that pretty!” Eh? Well..if I wasn’t pretty then why want MY attention? I laughed quietly to myself & went on my way. If he had any sense, he’d know his approach was wrong & no girl would pay attention to such a man who doesn’t know how to talk.

I hope its clear that Light skinned people also face a lot of discrimination. Not only from other races but sadly, sometimes from our own. We are not arrogant. We do not get picked first for everything. The opposite sex does not fall over our feet & we are not worshipped simply because of our skin color.

I cannot believe that colorism is an issue in Kenya, in Africa. How did this even happen? If we cannot love one another despite our different shades, then how can we expect to get respect from the other races? Real love starts now. Love & appreciate yourselves in order to love & appreciate the other person. We should give each other a chance & not judge based on appearances. You don’t know how much you could be missing out just because of not giving a chance.

Sending some loooove ❤