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The other day my colleagues & I were discussing a few people that have come & gone in the company. Among them, one guy called Timothy was discussed in great length. A good guy who was really good at his work but mostly kept to himself. We praised him for how dedicated he was & wondered how he was doing. We also wondered if he was still…with her.
I’ll admit that at first I thought Timothy was arrogant. He would come to the office & not greet me good morning or even respond when I did. At times, he’d just give a slight nod & he would continue talking on the phone. Gosh that phone was always stuck to his hand, it was almost like another organ that grew there. I only realized later that he did not greet or talk to any woman in the office, just a slight nod & keep a distance. He would only talk to men & even then, not so much. The funny thing is whenever he had something to discuss with a female colleague, he would send chats through our office messenger or send emails. I was sitting RIGHT NEXT to him & he would still send me a chat to ask something. I found him ridiculous!
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That was until I saw her come in one day. She came to me, not even a Hello & with a distinct authoritative voice asked to see Timothy who was at the back office. I called for him over the extension & I don’t even know how this guy reached where she was! Like, before I could put the phone down, he bolted right to her! She looked annoyed with him, but I learned later that’s just how she always is. They stood in the corner & spoke in hush tones, later they stepped out to continue. When he came back in later, he looked..worried.
I didn’t think much of it then until things started to get weird. Everyday Timothy would be on the phone & right outside our office, we have a food court where we can see the people. I saw her sitting there, talking on the phone & sipping on her coca cola as she stared at him intensely. And not only was she watching him, she’d watch any woman that came close to him. It was so clear he was never comfortable talking to a woman when his chick was watching him.
Then came the times where he’d get video calls at random hours from her. I could faintly hear her demanding to know what he was doing & who he was with, even though it was clear he was in the office. I mean, she could just see it! There was even a time I had to call him while he was out on the field, it was in regards to work & I had to ask him something urgently. He spoke as though he was rushing me off the phone which was really rude until I heard her at the back. Later, he came to me & told me never to call him while he was out. I responded I had an urgent issue to raise & that’s why I did. He still insisted I should never call him & whatever it was, it could be sorted when he got back. I noted this. The message was signed, sealed & delivered. This did not come from him, but from her.
Timothy claimed to be married to her. But we did not believe that. What married woman would act like this? Why was she so insecure with where he was or what he was doing? Why would she always want to be around him, did she not have to be at home or work? She was constantly checking up on him, disrupting his work, his time. She was always so angry when she’d come see him in the office until he had to stop what he was doing to go talk to her outside. I had passed them at the hallway a few times & from what I had seen, he was always begging her for something or the other. While she coldly looked away, clearly enjoying how he lowered himself for her. Loving how someone is begging to be in her life. How desperate he’d be without her.
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Fellas, there is no way such a relationship is healthy. Maybe you’ll say he’s happy like this but I highly doubt. If a woman threatens you on the daily that she will leave you, isn’t that stress? A woman should want to make a relationship work with you. Why would she want to bolt out just because she feels insecure? You also cannot avoid interacting with other women at work or school just to make her feel secure, because she just never will. No matter how many women you avoid, she will never be alright. She will start to make up her own stories in her head about how you are being unfaithful. No matter how many passwords, pin codes or pics/videos you share with her. It will never ever be enough if she has put it in her head that she doesn’t trust you.
I remember a day Timothy called me out of the office & I found her there. I immediately had a weird feeling cause this chick never said hi to me, so what could she want? Timothy introduced us, which was hella funny cause I’ve seen her for months! Just to tell me she was his wife. I smiled at her & said it was a pleasure to meet her. We were pretending, right? His wife didn’t even look at me. She fixed her usual angry glare at him & completely ignored my existence. I turned to Timothy & I’m not lying, the guy was literally shaking! He stammered “You..er..you added me on linkedin..she..she doesn’t like it” In my defense, I didn’t remember adding him but if I did, why couldn’t he decline & it would be the end of the story, right? I wanted to say this but seeing the situation, I felt it would be in my best interest not to. Well, mostly his best interest cause the way she was staring daggers at him was quite bad. I turned to her, gave her a smile & told her I was sorry & did not realize it would be a problem. I told her that Timothy was a colleague & linkedin was only to connect to people you can work with. But from the way she didn’t respond to me, I knew my words fell on deaf ears. Then without looking at me, she whispered “It’s OK” & turned away from me. But I just had a funny feeling, it wasn’t OK. Not when they would get home. I felt bad for the rest of the day that I might have caused problems for the couple. Poor Timothy called me out just to prove to her that nothing was going on. But how many things does he have to prove? Doesn’t he see nothing he does will make her change her mind?
I told some of my colleagues about this incident which they laughed & made several jokes about it. My male colleagues said Timothy wasn’t a real man to deal with such a woman. Some even went to the extent of saying they could beat her up. While I’d never excuse a man beating up a woman for any reason, I understood that their message was Timothy needed to show her who wears the pants.
Fellas, understand something, real mature women love a manly man. Even the ladies who are strong & independent would need a partner who is stronger & more independent because she knows when she falls, she has a real man to catch her. Do not let a woman, or anyone for that matter, make you forget who you are. Do not mistaken possessiveness to be love. No, she does not love you soooo much she doesn’t want you out of her sight. She is obsessed in having you at the snap of her fingers, bending to her every will. She wants to control you & every aspect of your life. Such a woman will even threaten to leave you if you do not follow what she wants. And like I said before, any relationship run by threats, is one not worth having. A relationship should be full of joyous moments filled with love, trust & faith. A willingness to work together. It should not be one sided.
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I cannot say for sure if Timothy faces any kind of physical abuse at home. All I know for sure is, he must be emotionally exhausted if this is how he lives everyday. I know for a fact emotional abuse is still abuse & I honestly believe he deserves a better woman who is secure of herself & has better to do in her life than want to possess his soul.
But maybe, just maybe, Timothy can stand up to her. Why do I say this? Because after that little confrontation, I never acknowledged her presence whenever I saw her. I’d just pass her by. This happened a few times & each time I felt her eyes watching me. One day, she started to smile & say hi to me. Which was a surprise honestly! I nodded & said hi back. So I understood, shes just a spoiled brat. Give her attention, she takes you like crap. But take away the attention, and she wonders whats going on. Timothy has spoiled her waaaay too much, always bending to her will. What she needs is a hard lesson.
The next time she threatens to leave, Timothy should just let her go. It would be a test to see if she will return & I guarantee, she would. Because she sees that her foolishness would actually cause her to lose him. Fellas, you sometimes need to show your woman that you have a life outside of her. Do not make her the centre of your world. Clinging on to each other is not love. It’s an unhealthy obsession!
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Just like women are advised to have a life outside of a relationship, Men are encouraged to do the same. Go hang out with friends, with your family, go make your money, go to the barber. Give yourself the distance to actually miss each other. This life is not a guaranteed one because what will happen to you if the relationship does not work out? Who will you run to?
Fellas, I urge that you recognize the signs of an abusive girlfriend. The signs are obvious but you may too in love that you turn a blind eye to them. If she:
- Demands to know where you are & what are you doing at all time
- Does not give you time & space to work or do what you need to
- Calls at random odd hours, knowing very well you are busy
- Gets angry when you do not respond to her calls/texts fast enough
- Shows up at the places you are at unannounced
- Demands that you do not talk to other women
- Screams at you when you try to talk to her calmly
- Beats you a little too hard & acts like it’s a joke
- Keeps saying you are not man enough or bruises your ego at every chance she gets
- Asks you to take pictures at every place you tell her you are going
- Makes you feel like crap about your looks
- Pouts or makes your life hell when you don’t buy her what she wants
- Is unsupportive & uncaring about your goals & dreams
- Is in charge of your accounts & might even demand a joint account
- You have absolutely no privacy when shes around
There are many signs that would take me ages to type but those are the main ones you will not miss.
Men are being abused by their girlfriends & wives every day. We hardly hear their stories because they believe they will be laughed at for not being manly enough to deal with it. Fellas, such a guy is not weak. Just because the abuse is happening, it does not mean the man is a wimp! He truly believes he has to tolerate all this in the name of love. Often such a guy makes excuses to himself that it’s his fault she is this way. And he makes the mistake of trying to prove to her so much that he loves her, he does not realize he is losing himself.
I believe this topic needs to be discussed more. I’d love to hear more stories from men in such situations & how they got out of it. I know there are a lot worse stories than Timothy’s & I pray to God whenever I think of him. I pray that he gets out of this by growing his self esteem & truly loving himself to see he deserves better treatment. And I also pray for his wife to finally see the error of her ways & improve herself so she can see the good man she has.
Sending you looove ❤