Image courtesy of Google
I have a dream. My dream is one where we live in a world that we question about something we don’t understand, instead of brushing it off as ludicrous. Where men & women are past expectations of what each sex should or must do. A world where we are willing to learn why we each have our own view points about life, where we accept what works for you is not necessarily what works for me. Understand & respect it. A Non Judgmental World.
Unfortunately, that will never happen. So Alas, it only remains a dream. Right?
I watched a video clip on Facebook about a woman in her early thirties who spoke about her reasons for not wanting marriage or children. She said that kind of life was never really for her & she always felt that way since she was a kid. She wasn’t changing her mind anytime soon about this decision. I liked how real she was & the fact that she spoke about it on live television, especially here in Kenya, showed that she was really brave. I was curious to see what viewers thought about it so I checked the comments section.
I wish I didn’t.
The comments section was bombarded with so much negativity that it made me mad! People called her a mental case, a homosexual or an attention seeker. Others posted sympathetic things about how she will eventually regret it as she gets older. Many of the comments came from men who were so angry that I almost wondered what their anger was really about. Is it because they have grown up in a society where women were only seen as reproductive machines? Get married & bring babies? Do the house work? Look pretty for them?
Is that all women are reduced to in Society’s eyes?
How come it is acceptable for Nuns & Pastors to make that decision but not an ordinary citizen? Why was there so much hate thrown at this young woman for her decision of not having kids & living her life single & free? I mean, what is wrong with being single in the first place? At least she’s being real about what she wants & doesn’t want. How many people have we seen get married & end up treating their spouse badly or bringing kids into this world only to toss them in the nearest dump site? How many of us can be real with ourselves & stick to our beliefs regardless of the inevitable pile of mud thrown our way?
I’ll admit. Once a upon a time, I felt pressured by society to get married because they like to throw the reminder of my “biological clock” ticking away to low battery. And I also admit, I almost made a grave mistake of marrying someone just for that reason. Thank God my heart just refused to make that final move & things ended. I promised myself right then & there never to let society dictate how I live my life. After all, if I faced any trouble in my marriage, who would help me? People are there to celebrate your wedding but no one is there to help you save your marriage. That’s a world you are in all alone. You & your spouse. Till death do you apart.
I’m not saying I don’t ever want to be married. I’ve just accepted that if it’s not meant for me, I will still survive. We all will. I do believe in my heart that sometimes you are not meant to live in a certain way because God has bigger & better plans for you. So Society, do me a favour, will ya?
STOP telling that woman in her mid thirties that she shouldn’t be so picky & should just settle as “it is time”. NO! She does not have to settle for just anybody because if shit goes down, will you be there to help her clean the mess? Yeah..didn’t think so…
STOP giving those sad pitiful looks whenever you see her pass by. Whispering among yourself “She’s single all this time?! May she find the right man to make her happy”. I know you mean well but what makes you think she isn’t already happy where she is? Why should it take a man to complete her? Being in a relationship will never complete you unless you feel complete on your own.
STOP throwing shade at single mothers telling them they need a man to help raise their kid/s. A single mother knows better than to depend on anyone to take care of her own child cause she’s been doing it the entire time. A loving & caring man is simply a bonus & she will surely recognize him when he comes around. That’s only if she wants him to.
STOP hating on that woman who chooses a life of travel, fun & sex. It is her life. I repeat, HER LIFE. It’s not ok that men get to choose this lifestyle & nobody blinks but when a woman says she’s living life happily with said lifestyle, people give her the side eye & say she must be in denial. Er…nope!
STOP telling her to not be ambitious. That climbing the career ladder will intimidate men. First of all, men who are intimidated by ambitious women have their own low self esteem issues. Why don’t you focus on that little problem, hmm?
Back to the young lady. I also remember seeing comments from women who were shocked by this young woman’s audacity to come on live television & say she doesn’t want what they have. The comments were equally as nasty as the men & once again I questioned where all this anger was coming from. In this day & time, are we still fighting for our rights as women? Must we justify our reasons for wanting things that are “out of the norm”? Are these negative commenting women so brain washed to thinking this is the only life for women that they do not see they actually have a choice? That there’s just so much more to life than what people impose on them?
But I should understand. After all, I did start this post about my dream of a Non Judgmental world & if I want to see that, even a little, I need to play my part. So Society, I understand you. You grew up seeing things as a certain way of life. Anything that disrupts that is shocking to you & unheard of. You’d quickly dismiss the person as a black sheep, mentally insane or just a lost cause. I can’t blame your way of thinking, I understand it. I understand you. I just wish you’d take the time to understand me. To understand us. The weirdos, the misfits, the outcasts & whatever other name you’d want to call us.
Image courtesy of Google
Cause think about it. When you strip off the labels you’ve branded us & really see us for US. You’d learn that there is so much more wonder out there then what you’ve only limited yourself to see.
Sending you loooove ❤