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That was said to me by a male friend while expressing his views about the women here. The feminist in me wanted to retaliate against him but instead I got curious to know why he’d think that. We discussed it at great length & I finally understood what he meant.
Surprisingly, I found myself agreeing with him.
Now wait a minute! Don’t be eyeing daggers at me just yet! Hear (read) me out first! Mombasa girls are known for their gorgeous looks & good manners, facts that cannot be denied. That’s awesome. That’s beautiful. We love that.
But there are some of us who are doing things the wrong way. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or it’s honestly just ignorance about how the minds of the opposite sex really work but I’m going to break down the stereotypes we’ve been facing because of some mistakes that could be earning us such a reputation.
- Chasing after a guy who.does. not.want.you
I was in Tuskys the other day & was watching a scene while waiting at the cashier’s. There was a pretty lady flirting rather shamelessly with one of the customer service guys who looked like he wasn’t too thrilled by the attention. She was too engrossed in trying to get him that she didn’t even notice he was slowly trying to back away from her! Ladies, it’s nice to show a guy you’re interested, that’s a really brave thing to do. But there’s always a better way of doing it than throwing yourself at him! Pay attention! If a guy is looking at everywhere else BUT you. He’s not interested. If a guy responds with one word answers, it’s not that he’s shy, its because he’s not interested. If a guy, like the one above, is backing away with an excuse that he needs to check on bread for the third time when its clearly not his department to do so…He’s.Not.Interested. Don’t ponder on & on why he isn’t. Maybe you’re just not his type! It’s a hard pill to swallow but one that is very necessary to do. It does not mean you are not beautiful, it just means everybody has their own preferences. Just accept it, respect it & move along.
- The ones who don’t mind the “Home Wrecker” title
There are those girls with the mentality that they’ll never, ever (with all these billions of men) find one who will marry them. So with this limited thinking, they often end up settling for whatever comes their way. Even if it means being concubines to married men. They think “But if he’s providing for my needs, why should I leave him??” Well just know you are not going to be in his life for long. It’s only until he gets what he wants from you or is bored of you. In the end, you are going to be known in town as “That Home Wrecker”. Society is often cruel to the women, never the men & I do not see this changing any time soon in Mombasa. Sad but true. Infact, why not work for what you want? There is no greater feeling than independence. It’s a very sexy thing! Strong men admire that & I guarantee you will find, a single willing guy to appreciate you if you stop chasing after the married ones.
- Giving the honey pot up waaaaaaay too fast
Women have been taught since the beginning of time never to give a man sex until he earns it. It’s a mission for some men to get as much sex as he can in his lifetime so why should you be his victory when he hasn’t worked to earn it? Sex is given out so freely these days, it’s shocking! No longer are women making men chase after them like the way it was back in the days.
Now, I’m not going to judge you if you choose to be sexually liberated. That’s your business & entirely upto you. But what I can say for sure is, you cannot expect a man to fall in love with you just because you gave him good sex. That is a colossal mistake! Let me tell you, the lessons we’ve been taught all our lives still apply today: Men love the chase. Always have, always will. So if you want to weed out the ones who are really into you & ones who are time wasters, just tell them one thing with a stern look “Visit my parents & propose to me.” Let them know they will never get to see, touch, smell your honey pot if they do not show commitment. You’re a jewel, your body is your temple & they need to respect it, not use it the way they want to. Trust me, a time waster will be making up so many excuses while still trying to convince you to give it up. Don’t fall for it. If he wants you so bad, and you know you want a commitment of any sorts, he has to commit. No excuses. Period.
- You are way too friendly with every Twalib, Daud & Haroun
You are found sitting from dawn to dusk with different guys every single day. They may only be good friends, some you see as your brothers but that’s not what everyone else sees. Sure, you’re going to say you don’t care what people think of you but how sure are you of your “friends”? Can you sincerely say you trust them enough to stand up for you when others talk shit? There are some guys that are not to be trusted & just because you can say they are your friends/brothers, it does not mean they wont try to have sex with you some time.
I’m not saying that you should not be friends with the opposite sex. After all, interaction with them will happen everywhere, everyday. But what I’am saying is, do not spend time with them when they do nothing to contribute to your growth. There’s so many things for you to work on! Like your life goals! Such guys who have nothing real going for them will only drag your name in the mud with them.
Do you see what I mean? Do you get it now? Some of the things we’re doing might seem harmless but they affect us in the long run. The men today don’t feel a need to fight for a girl because there are way too many of us who are willing to give them our time & bodies for free. Those two things are very, very precious & so you shouldn’t be afraid to put a man on test to earn them. If he thinks it’s too much work to put in, let him go. He has clearly shown that he isn’t worth it because if he won’t work for you now, will he ever do so when times get rough in your relationship? I don’t think so. We’re so guilty of making excuses for them that we baby them too much! We make it way too easy for them only to suffer in the end. In reality, we’re worth the effort & the right man knows & appreciates this. I believe it’s time we change our mentalities that there are no good men out there. They exist. Believe me, they do. We have to work on ourselves, our beliefs & our confidence.
Because once you do, you will realize the Goddess you are & the powers you truly possess.
Sending you looove ❤