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Being cheated on is one of the most painful & heart shattering experience to ever go through. You feel so betrayed, your trust is destroyed, your self-esteem ravaged & you just can’t stop questioning how did it all go wrong?
After all the screaming, the tears & the apologies, you have to make a decision about whether you want to make your relationship work or to just pack up & leave. You’ll be surrounded by loving people who will support you with whatever decision you may make but not until they have expressed their opinions. Everyone will suddenly be happy to be that unpaid therapist for you. The decision is not up to them, it is up to you. This is your relationship & you are the only person who knows what’s going on & what it took for the two of you to get there.
If you decide you still love him despite what happened, there are a few things you need to do before you announce it to him that you want to proceed with the relationship.
- Think about it. Think really hard.
It’s very important that you spend some time away from him if you can. Go to your parents or stay with a good friend for a while. You’ll have to tell him you’ll be away & you need him to respect your decision to think things through. He has absolutely no right to force you to stay with him & work things out right there & then. He has done what he has done, now it is up to you to decide what to do next. He owes you that time to think. If he truly loves you, he will wait for you to decide what you want even if he’s scared of not knowing the outcome he will still understand you need to do this.
During this time, you shouldn’t be in contact with him so often. As painful & hard as it will be, you just shouldn’t be in touch. Unless you have kids together or something major has happened, then keep the conversation to the point & not deviate from the topic.
There’s so much for you to think about when you have this space. Is it a one time thing? Can you really let it go? Is this worth letting go all the months/years you’ve invested in this relationship? Is he really remorseful?
- Have a very honest conversation
If you’ve decided you are ready to talk to him about what happened, make sure you are both very honest. Ask him why he did it? Is he attracted to whoever that person is? Was there something in the relationship he felt was missing? Cheating isn’t always about you but sometimes you could have unknowingly played a part. Maybe you were neglecting him? Maybe you said some harsh & hurtful things to him? Maybe you were denying him affection? Maybe you weren’t giving him attention? I know there’s no real excuse to cheating, but maybe knowing his reason can actually help know where your relationship stands. It will hurt to hear all of those things but you must in order to know. Once you both have talked it out, you will have a sense of clarity about things. Sometimes he has no reason for doing what he did, in which case, it’s all about him trying to fill a void in his life. It’s not about you at all. You still have to decide based on his answers what you want to do next. This can only happen once you are ready to have that honest conversation.
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- How is he making it up to you?
After having that conversation & learning the things you have. Tell him what you want him to do next for a chance of this working out. He has to prove to you that the other person will no longer be a part of his life. He must get rid of all contacts & never meet them. He has to also prove to you how much he truly loves you & how much this relationship means to him. This does not mean you ask him to take pictures of himself wherever he goes or demand that he gives you his passwords to everything. That’s just being paranoid now. Give him a chance to prove he wants to make this work & observe him.
- When you decide to forgive & let go
Really forgive & let it go. There is no point bringing up the cheating incident in every argument you have. You should never act suspicious & then claim he made you this way. No girl, you decided to forgive & let go, you have to do just that. It wouldn’t be fair to him & it wouldn’t be fair to you to live this way. You are not forced to be with him, nobody can force you to be. It is all about you & your decision because you were the one that got hurt the most. Also, none of your friends or family members should ever bring up the subject again once you’ve decided on this. They have no right to do so. If they cannot support you working this out, then they deserve no part in your life.
All in all, if you decide to forgive your partner, I wish you the very best in your relationship. A cheater isn’t necessarily a bad person even though we normally love to crucify them. People make mistakes; it’s what makes us human. We have to give them a chance to make it right for us. Not all cheaters will always be cheaters. Sometimes they learn from this & become better people because you’ve shown them love & forgiveness.
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Sending you loooove ❤